Live Life Freely

Writing freely is a way to relax our minds just like stitching freely & keep stitching as it goes. It is not easy not to dwell on the past or worry about the future but it is a good way to practise to live in the moment so that it will increase our awareness over time. Let’s not let our souls trapped in the past or travel to the future because our souls will become weary. Regretting about what has happened won’t change anything & worrying about what will happen will not help. We had made our choices when we were at that point of our lives & we will make our choices when we reach the time when we have to. Asking too many “what ifs” questions will only drain our energy and we will miss out a lot of beautiful things in our lives. See only not the bad things but the beauty in our daily lives. Contentment is the secret to happiness.

As people grow older, we can see changes in the expression in their eyes. There’re different types of eyes which reflect their inner souls. Some have weary eyes with no concentration whereas some have really bright eyes with high awareness of what is happening around them. We always see people’s souls through their eyes. That’s why people always try to read other’s minds through their eyes. We’re familiar enough with the phrase “look me in the eye”. The movie, “Dorian Gray” shows the picture which reflects on Dorian’s doing. It is interesting how the picture could reflect someone’s doing. In actual world, everyone’s doing will be reflected on their face as they age. The older they get, the clearer the signs are. Having a clear mind & living with conscience are important.

We are not alive if “we are not living”.

Running away ...

Tonight, as I was driving back home from grocery shopping, I realised that my eye sight is getting worse. I'm shortsighted but refused to wear any glasses. Guess I'm not ready to accept the fact that I need a pair of glasses. It flashes back to some problems of mine. I know the solution could be there but I'm afraid to take that bold step which will change my life. Thus, I've been running away from my problem because I failed to find an answer which benefits everyone.

I'm lost. My family was broken apart not long ago. I know it's the fact. I've been trying hard to accept it. The feeling of empitiness is within me. Although my family members are no longer staying together with each other, busy with own activities, I still feel hard to let it go. I'm afraid of getting married, starting my own new life at somewhere else. I'm lack of focus & concentration as I'd to take over my mum's responsibilities ... like taking care of my father's, maid's & dogs' necessities. I can't have my own quiet, private life. I'd to help out my dad's in his business because my mum dumped everything to me in exchange for her freedom. I've been asking myself, "why can't I be more selfish to dump everything & run away from home"?

I've no career, no family & of course no personal income. I started to feel insecure about my future & life. I'm not living for myself. I need a way to get out of my current life. I've been asking myself, "what's the problem?" but I couldn't express my thoughts. My mind is really disturbed most of the time. I'm emotionally vulnerable. Am I going to take over someone's responsibilities for the rest of my life? Am I going to let it runs my life? Do I have a choice not to be selfish?

My love

There are things which I want to remember for the rest of my life especially what my loved one has said or done to me. I'm afraid that I'll forget these sweet memories so I've decided to write them down.

Today, I asked him, "what's the thing that you want to do?" He told me that the most important thing that he wants to do is growing old with me.

Another thing which we have in common is that unknowingly we'll listen to the same music sometimes although we're far apart. Sometimes I/he might be humming the music which we're thinking in our mind.

Sometimes when I'm out till late, he'll never forget to wait for my message. He'll be worried if I didn't buzz him. I'm the one who always forgot to send him a message to let him know that I'm home safely.

I used to have bakery classes that he waited out for me till my class finished. Whenever I'd interview, he'll fetch me to the location before the actual interview day so that I'll know how to get to that place.

He always stood up for me whenever I encounter difficulties with other people.

I admire his intelligence that I get to learn a lot of things from him.

He loves my dogs just as much as I love them. He bought me a soft toy which looks like my dog. He always remember me no matter where he is.

He'll visit me everyday no matter what unless he is really busy with his work or too tired.

There were times when I said bye on the phone & I remember I still have things to tell him but he hung up. He'll call back to appologise that he hung up the phone & asked me, "what is it dear that you wanted to say?"

There was once when I told him that I didn't have many earrings to be worn. He secretly went to another house of mine which I no longer live in, to bring the entire earring rack to me. He'll remind me to buy shampoo/shower gel/cotton bud when he noticed that they're almost finish & I don't have any of them in stock.

He'll remind me to place an umbrella in my car in case if it rains. I did not do it as usual & he placed an umbrella into my car for me. When we walked in the rain & we got sheltered, he'll use his hand to rub off the raindrops off my head. He said it'll sip through my scalp & I'll have headache. He always laughed at my silliness.

Now that he has his new house ready, he always asked for my opinion about the furniture & settings that I like. He respects my decision & it's good that we usually have similar taste.

Think that's it for now ... There're too many things which I need to refresh in my mind. Lol ... to be continued ...

I miss a place where I used to live in. Somewhere which I feel I belong to. In life, every single decision involves proper planning & thoughts. I have to take a lot of factors into consideration when it comes to making a choice. I have the opportunity of living in where I think I want to be but I'm afraid to make the move. Humans are afraid of failing or making the wrong decision which will make them regret for the rest of their lives.

Things which I wanted to do in the place where I want to be are:

• sightseeing


• walk the dogs


• picnic


• cycling by the sea


• having hot fries & ice-cream on the beach


• doing yoga by the sea


• walking in the garden, feeding ducks


• gardening


• shopping in every suburb


• having coffee in cold night, walking in the city, happily chat away with a closed one